Nice.

What is one word that describes you?

I am nice.

Somehow, when repeated aloud, it turns into naive.

As though chinese whispers had carried it across seas.

I am nice, open doors and do friends chores.

I am nice, not amazing.

Not like the woman he adores.

I am nice, move my bag for weary strangers.

Hold space for children so they’ll never feel lifes dangers.

I am nice, taking photos of leaves because the veins look pretty.

Built for the country – but enjoy the bustle of big cities.

Even though looking up at skyscrapers makes me dizzy.

I am nice. It’s fine. You’re allowed to be busy.

It’s OK to cancel. We all have a life.

Sure, we can be friends, don’t think about it twice.

I am nice.

I am nice.

I am nice.

Dating

What are your biggest challenges?

Starting over with someone new is exhausting.

Now, I have better boundaries,I tend to be more isolated. Alone but not lonely.

Stuck on an island between wanting to be taken, held, loved, and never wanting to feel the touch of another again.

For a person to know my mind before my body seems like an impossible task.

Patience and time are something most men won’t give, and I feel that impending pressure of a clock that won’t stop ticking.

When people ask what I want, I picture valentines in a house that is ours, Spanish sun reading books, growing and learning together, enjoying each other in every room, boozy conversations that last hours and listening to each others voices as we fall asleep.

Each time, I’ve settled for less than.

Now I know I deserve more than…

The men I meet now are so full of lust.

One hug and there’s a grope.

One smile and there’s a kiss.

One laugh and I’m horny.

All things I’m given and told.

Not asked or allowed space.

Other females tell me it’s just my place.

How hard is it to meet a man who respects my values and admires my restraint.

It’s easy to fuck. It’s a lot harder to love.

Yes.

Do you need time?

To stretch limbs as I wake

To enjoy a coffee without being late.

When the sun hits my face to stop and soak it in.

To stare at beautiful strangers without it being a sin.

To linger in a gaze and laugh,louder and longer.

When being a slow eater, only makes you grow fonder.

To breathe in the smell of another persons skin.

Please, give me back the time I spent wishing to be thin.

Let’s not.

What will your life be like in three years?

I don’t want to think about my life 3 years from now.

Keeping up with day to day just seems enough somehow.

When you’ve come back from the anxiety and lost the worry of fitting in society.

Sometimes, it’s better not to dream of what could be and simply remember to live a life more free.

Sugar and honey

What makes a good neighbor?

Waving from across the street and smiling every morning.

Passing children over fences and helping with lawn mowing.

Listening to each others day and bursting in unannounced.

Bringing over a glass of wine when the love bug starts to pounce.

Having joy in the little things like a new tree or shrub and comfort for the times when we just need some love.

Baking a little extra and sharing a meal

Here are just a few things that make being my neighbour a big deal.

To…

What was the hardest personal goal you’ve set for yourself?

To be proud of myself for every little thing I achieve.

To understand, I have always had exactly what I need.

To love myself the way I love others so deeply and accepting.

To look on the the past with no more what ifs and not see it as forgetting.

To take up space in a world that does not give it freely.

To not make myself small so that others may live comfortably.

To keep promises to myself and do things that spark joy.

To embrace being seen and reject being coy.

Stillness.

What skill would you like to learn?

Seems such a simple thing.

To be still.

Not just sitting in a place so long you’ve forgotten how to move.

More, simplicity of being.

Being yourself in a moment.

Not in the past or the future we desperately keep seeking.

Floating in a pool looking at the clouds while the world keeps turning..

No sounds, nothing else in sight.

Just the light murmurings of heart beats in water and breath, leaving your lungs.

Inhaling and still.

Fleeting but fulfilled.

Traits and tribulations.

What’s the trait you value most about yourself?

Being nice.

Like a flower or a scent trailing behind a passing stranger.

Delicate and reeking of fragility.

Holding doors, wishing dog walkers good morning, buying parking for a lady without change, and holding space for those who need the most attention.

Who told people being nice was a weakness?

To me, being the opposite is a trait I’d rather leave on the shelf.

But just so you dont take advantage, I’ll refrain.

Instead, I try and claw back my niceness and become a traitor to myself.

Life song.

What would your life be like without music?

My life often moves with the grace of a melody.

Twangs of minor here and there.

Which demonstrate a beautiful legato with major moments.

Desperately playing in allegro trying to keep up…

Reaching for the ever ellusive crescendo.

A lesson I’ve learned..

Share a lesson you wish you had learned earlier in life.

Pouring myself into other people’s voids will not give me the love I crave.

It will not save them or us..

It’ll only make them more whole and make me a little less so.